Why Am I Here? Transcript

This morning we're kicking off a six-week series to get us through part of the summer called On Purpose. We're going to be talking about this idea of what is our purpose? Why are we here, both as individuals and as a church? How are we supposed to live, and will finding that purpose make us happy? Now, some of these themes we've already touched on, and it's good to get reminders. But we ask the question today of why am I here? I don't know if you've ever had a time in your life where you've asked that question of yourself. Maybe there was a time like me where you didn't know what you were supposed to do next. You were facing a decision, and you could not figure out, based on just lining up the columns left and right, pros and cons, what you were supposed to do. Hopefully you found some way to make a decision, because too often what happens is fear and anxiety keeps us from making any kind of decision. Because we don't want to get messed it up. This happened to me. Back when I graduated college, I graduated with a degree in psychology and religious studies. At the time, I was exploring and trying to get into psychology programs, either master's or PhD program in social psychology. It wasn't working out for me, so I took a temporary job at QVC there in Westchester and drove in every day, did a lot of data entry. I applied for the next level. I drove the next level up, and I didn't get it, and I really didn't see a future for me there at QVC. At the time, I was still applying to psychology programs, and I started working with a local church pastor there at Honeybrook United Methodist. I had received some inklings about being called into ministry before from other pastors and other adults in my life, and I had brushed them off. I said, no, that's not for me, and I was exploring it further, and said, okay, I'll apply. So I applied to Vanderbilt Divinity School, and then I applied to American University for their social psychology program, and I got into both. And I had one week to decide between the two which direction my life was going to take. Most of the time, I think I took the right one. Most of the time. Now, I could line up on the columns where the positives of one and the positives of the other, the negatives of one and the negatives of the other, at least in my own limited understanding at the time. And it really worked. It was a hard decision to make, and I had such limited time to do it. And I kept asking myself, why am I here, God? Why have you put me in this place? Why have I experienced what I experienced in my life, whether it was abuse or bullying, whether it was just depression and sadness and feeling lonely? Why am I here? Now, I ultimately decided to take the path that I did. And Rebecca and I moved down to Nashville for three years, and our life has been interesting ever since. With multiple moves and experiences and challenges and everything else. And all along the way, there is that question of, why am I here? What am I here to do? God, how do I please you? How do I honor you with where you placed me? And each step along the way, there's been decisions that I've had to make where just laying it out logically just does not answer the question. My first church, when I was called, when I was originally told there were no churches left for me. By the time I was graduating, and I got a call, we were on vacation in Arkansas at the time, visiting my father and my stepmother, and I got a call, I was going to a CPE residency program, hospital chaplaincy, and I had given verbal acceptance to stay in Nashville for another year doing that, and I got a call from the bishop saying, or the DS saying, hey, we've got a church for you, but it's in Elkton, Maryland, it's across the conference. And we were on vacation at the time. I'd already committed, or at least in my mind committed myself that I was going to do this CPE residency for the year, and I just couldn't decide. Why am I here? What am I here to do? Is this path forward the right one, or is that one? It took me a good few days and conversations with Rebecca and prayer and her finally saying, you went to school for this, you idiot. Why is this a hard decision?

And so I took my first church and gave up the spot in the CPE residency. Along the way, even coming here to Berwyn was this decision of coming back to full-time ministry or staying in extension ministry. And again, I have to ask myself, why am I here? here to do? How do I honor God with my living? How do I honor God with my choices? Especially those choices where you, just additional information doesn't clear things up. What are some of the circumstances in your own life? that's been the case. You were faced with a choice. You felt like you were in the dark and there was just no amount of additional information that you could gather that would help you make the decision. In that darkness, fear can set in. In that darkness, we can start second guessing ourselves. We can start doubting our purpose, doubting why we are here, doubting that we are here for any particular reason. This happens with decisions. This happens with stages of life as well. I don't know how many times I've had to make this statement to those who are retired, those who are in nursing homes, those who are anywhere in between. And they're like, I'm just here to worship. I'm just here. I'm just waiting until I move on. But for some people, waiting to go home. And I understand that completely. But my message to people in that stage of life has been consistent. As long as we are here drawing breath, God can... God can use us. As long as we are here drawing breath, God has a purpose for us. And it's our job, it's our task, it's our prayer to figure that out and not just give up and say, well, I'm done. I've accomplished my purpose. I've accomplished my aims. I'm good to go. Whatever God can take me, I'm good. And I understand where that comes from. Many people I've talked to have gotten to that part. They've had difficult lives. They've lost loved ones. They're feeling alone and lonely, and they're just ready to go home and be with their loved ones. And I get it. At least in my mind, I get it without having experienced that myself fully. But in those moments, it's even more important to say, God, why am I still here? What can you use me for? What purpose do you have for me in my life, in my gifts, in my talents, in all of my history and challenges that I've experienced? What purpose do you have for that in this moment? And like I said, there is no additional information that you can glean that will give you an answer. What will is being in conversation with the God who created you, the one who made you as you are, the one who gave you every gift that you have, the one that was with you every step of your journey. Fortunately, we have a God who welcomes us in that exploration. We have the story of Nicodemus here who went to Jesus under the cover of night. He was a Pharisee. He was one of the people that were kind of among the group of people that were against Jesus and what he was teaching and what he was trying to do. And so he went to Jesus under the cover of night so that he would not be seen. He would not be recognized, but he wanted to have that conversation with Jesus. He wanted to have that understanding of who Jesus was and who he was. And so he went to Jesus under the cover of night so that he would and what Jesus was there to do and his role in it. I love the gospel of John because he often uses so much imagery to convey meaning that word simply does not convey. And one of those is that cover of darkness. It's not just the time of day that it happened, but he shares that because in the time that Nicodemus comes to Jesus to ask those questions, he is coming to him when he cannot see the light. He is coming to him when things are muddied and dark and the future cannot be seen. He's coming to him when he has to feel his way across the landscape to find where Christ is. And so the first thing we get from this story is that God meets us in that darkness. God meets us when we don't have the answer. God meets us when we are deep and lost in questions. God meets us when we are afraid and frustrated. God meets us when we are afraid and frustrated. God meets us when we are full of anxiety. God meets us when we are not sure why we are here to begin with and whether or not if we were here anymore people would notice. God meets us in the darkness. He welcomes those questions, those doubts, those fears, and that anxiety, and he speaks to us from where we are just as Christ met with Nicodemus in the darkness. He did not turn him away and and say, come back when you have better understanding. Come back when you know. Come back when you can see the light. He met Nicodemus where he was, where he was willing and searching, and walked with him along the way. So we have a God who welcomes those questions, who meets and works with us in the darkness, and then through that conversation, through that prayer, and through that growth, new way is made. In Jesus' conversations with Nicodemus, he does not understand how one can be born again. He's thinking about that sentence in terms of what he knows to be true, that once someone is born, once they have grown to an adult, there is no way for them to go back to their mother and be born again. Nicodemus knows in his head exactly what is true and what is not. What is factual and what can be done and can't be done. How many of us approach God like that? We know with certainty what God can do and can't do. We know with certainty what the world is and what it isn't. We know with certainty exactly what could happen and can't happen, and we expect God to work within our understanding. And Jesus says to Nicodemus, hold on a minute, that's not what I'm talking about. What you think to be true, what you think you know to be true, how you think you understand it is not right. You're missing something. And this is where the power of the Holy Spirit and this power of prayer can come into play because God meets us in the darkness, meets us in the challenges, meets us in the fears, meets us in the doubts, meets us in all of that and says what you think you know to be true is not the limit. What you think you know is true about how you are and what you're called to do is not the limit. Let me instead show you a new way to think about it, a new way to understand it, a new way to approach life that isn't bound by what you think you know to be true. And in the process, a new light, a new dawn begins to shine. And so where Nicodemus went to Jesus under the cover of darkness, he leaves Jesus in the light. When he went to Jesus under the cover of darkness with questions and doubts and complete misunderstandings, he leaves in the light of Christ with a new day dawning and a new path forward and a new understanding of Christ and of himself. Now this unfolds over time, but what is important in this story and important for me to share with you today is that the darkness will not last forever. If you approach God and say, why am I here? What purpose do you have for me? He's not going to leave you unanswered. You may not like the answer he gives, but he's not going to leave you in the darkness forever. So my question for you today, my question for you today, my question for each one of you to wrestle with is if you are struggling, what am I here for? How can I use my gifts? How can I exist more fully in my life today to honor God and experience the fullness of life that he promises? Maybe you have a decision that you need to make. Maybe you are struggling with a question or a doubt that you're not quite sure about. Maybe you are set in that blinded vision of saying, this is how God works. This is how things must be. This is how I understand. This is how I understand the world and this is all that is going to happen has been defined. What are some of those questions you have? What are some of those questions about God and purpose that you might have? What are those questions and those choices that you have to make? Which ones have you been avoiding? And what are you doing about Are you comfortable sitting in the darkness because it's easier not to make a choice? Or are you honestly willing to see a broadening of what can be for the purpose of seeing a brand new dawn? Seeing what is next? Of seeing and understanding fully the answer to that question that we all ask from one time to another. why am I here? Can you possibly use even me? What purpose and what value do I bring? Asking that question in prayer, asking that question and then testing the answers that you're receiving by talking to other people along the way, you will move from that time of approaching Jesus and feeling in that darkness to experiencing the birth of a new light and a new understanding and a new hope. Over the next five weeks after this week, we will be diving deeper into this process. How do we figure out our purpose? How do we enter into prayer to understand that purpose? How do we know if what we're hearing from God or just an internal voice telling us what we want to hear? These are the questions that we'll be wrestling with over the next few weeks. And these are the questions that if you know somebody that's struggling, if you know somebody who's trying to make a decision that isn't yet here, it might be a good invitation to invite them in to be a part of this process. And it's certainly an invitation to you to go to our website, go to the sermon page for this week, the small group guide. There's questions. There's exercises there each week over these next few weeks to help you dive deeper into this question so that you're not just staying where you feel you're stuck. We're not just saying, I need to gather more and taking that step forward. Hope. I hope that these next few weeks aren't just about us gathering for worship and then leaving this place and feeling better and more connected with God, but moves us along that journey of figuring out our purpose, gaining more concrete footsteps as we step out into that purpose and feeling that we've gone on the journey.